There are moments in our life that we look back on and wish we could return to.
When life feels uncertain and difficult remembering happier times seems to be a natural response.
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to let go and move forward accepting that you are entering a new chapter in your life.
I spent my twenties struggling to master the art of letting go and moving on.
My first love was a four-year relationship with a man I idolised.
He was charming, romantic, and passionate and my stomach would do somersaults whenever I was with him.
He was also mentally abusive, controlling, un kind and un trustworthy.
Every time it got too much for me I would leave and as the weeks went by I would only think of the good times, the laughter, the kisses, the way he would make me feel on a good day and so I’d head back and put myself in that situation all over again.
It was a cycle I just couldn’t seem to break – I wanted to fix the problem, fix him, I was in love with him and I just couldn’t let go of the happier times even though they were in frequent and he caused me great pain.
During my early 30’s when a very close friendship of mine ended I struggled with the same emotions.
This person had been my best friend and my business partner. We had moved our lives in pursuit of our dream to become a successful breakfast show on the radio and pretty much from day one things went wrong.
I can remember feeling denial, telling myself I could fix things and take them back to how they used to be.
The truth is you never can though, sometimes things un ravel for a reason and learning to accept that is the difference between feeling imprisoned or feeling free.
I’ve been reminded of this recently when Chris and I headed to the North East for a funeral.
We lived in Newcastle for nearly 8 years, we bought our first house there, it’s where we got married and had our daughter.
We had great success professionally too and we made some wonderful friends.
As we headed back Chris started to talk about returning for good. He’s going through a lot of change in his life at the moment after taking a break from a 30 – year career in commercial radio.
I was shocked as he’s a guy who always moves on, never looks back and doesn’t believe in reliving things.
The day was terribly sad as you expect and it was also strange because I felt like I didn’t belong there anymore and deep down I think Chris knew that too.
As we sat in the pub, our old local, where we had our wedding reception and our daughter’s christening party I started to think about my lovely house in Manchester and some of the special women who have become my friends since moving there.
If we went back to Newcastle it would never be the same, people change, we’ve changed and no matter how much we may want to at times it’s impossible to relive the past.
As we drew up in our drive that night I felt that lovely warm feeling you get when you arrive home. I couldn’t wait to walk through the front door, see the kids and the dogs and snuggle in my own bed.
As I get older I learn more from different experiences be it exhilarating, happy, sad or tough.
If I can accept where I am and cherish who is in my life right now then I can live for that very moment.
Looking back all the time will stop me from moving forward, look ahead too much will make me miss the here and now.
All we ever really have is today.