On Friday I had one of those lovely rare days where I spent the whole time giving Heath one-to-one attention, snuggling him, kissing him constantly and laughing with him.
The kitchen and the living room were both a total mess and the washing baskets were over flowing but for once I didn’t care, it didn’t bother me in the slightest.
My head and heart solely belonged to Heath and it felt wonderful, I just wish everyday could be like that.
I find it so hard the majority of the time to turn my mind off, to stop thinking about a multitude of things all at the same time.
I have a voice in my head nagging me about the housework, nagging me about work, an email I must send, a phone call I must make.
It can feel like I have an endless to-do list and I’m drowning in it.
On the real bad days when I’m multi- tasking to no avail my anxiety is really heightened and the only person who can calm me down is my husband Chris.
He can see when it’s all getting too much, when I’m being too hard on myself and he will always step in and tell me.
Life has changed for both of us so much over recent months since Chris left his job to start a very exciting new venture.
We both have a number of projects going on together and separately at the moment and it’s bloody busy!
The lovely thing is that we are together so much more and Chris and Heath are inseparable.
There are days when we struggle a little because we have no one on our doorstep to help with childcare but on the whole we manage really well between us.
It’s been mentioned by a number of people that nursery for Heath one day a week could be the way to go.
I haven’t reacted well to this at all and after a week of thinking about it, discussing it, thinking about it some more I’ve decided I don’t want to do that just yet.
I’m not ready to let him go, it’s that simple.
I have bad days like every other Mum and Dad, days where I think I wish I were out at work or just out anywhere away from the chaos and noise.
However I love being with my little man everyday despite his separation anxiety, his screaming fits and his lack of understanding that sometimes Mummy has to go to the toilet.
It’s strange how with each child you can feel differently about certain situations.
My daughter has always been independent and she gets bored very easily.
She started nursery one day a week a few months after she turned one and then once she was two and I was working six days a week on a breakfast show she went full time.
She’s always loved it and although I missed her and worried for a start I knew it was the right thing for both of us.
I feel so differently about it all with Heath and although it’s been pointed out that it’s what’s best for him not me, I know in my heart now is not the right time.
I love the bubble him and I and now Chris live in, it’s special and of course it won’t last forever but whilst family life is like this I want to hold onto it and cherish it.
There’s no wrong or right when it comes to making decisions about your children.
It’s what makes them and you the happiest and I feel lucky that I can be at home with my little red right now.
I always try to focus on the now, living each moment day to day instead of looking too far ahead.
The day will come when I have to let go of Heath a bit, I know that and when it does I will deal with it then.
Right now selfishly or not I’m enjoying having him stuck to me, he’s my world and I his and that’s just fine by me.